Naked is the way to go

So I weighed myself this morning after avoiding the scale for a few days out of complete dread and shame. I went from 252 up to 255.6 and it kind of fluctuated up and down but never back to 252 or lower. Finally, today, I got naked, got on the scale, and saw 250.8. Got off, got back on to double check (sometimes a weird weight distribution will mess up the numbers) and sure enough, 250.8. It's small, but it's there. It's appreciated for sure.

First wave of disappointment

Ask me how much weight I lost. Go ahead.





















NONE. In fact, I've gained a pound. What the hell? Ugh. I suppose I should just keep at it. Eventually, things have to give, right? But if I don't even lose half a pound by next week, I'm calling my doctor.

Night Owl - Fat Owl.

I'm a night owl. Always have been. Besides a brief stint where I had mono real bad - I was fine with just a few hours per night. The best TV is on at night. You usually have the best conversations at night. The problem with this is that I end up eating at night.

Oh and I don't just eat some carrot sticks either. I'll eat leftovers followed by a dessert. Like suddenly there really is a fourth meal to the day. Like Taco Bell's not just making that up as a marketing tool.

I know that's where I eat the most calories. It's like nighttime completely shrouds what I'm eating. Calories unseen are calories that never existed.

Except they do exist. ON MY BODY.

So tonight is like night one of refusing to eat. According to SparkPeople, I'm up to 1,412 (with 168 left over till my maximum) calories for the day, 190 g of carbohydrates (67 left over), 39 g of fat (22 left over), and 75 g of protein (63 left over). I think I did damn good today... now it's just about now ruining it by scarfing rice krispies down all night.

Two steps forward...

One step back? Easter was great, but it kind of screwed me. Correction: I screwed me. A weekend of eating the best Portuguese food - and here, I'm thinking I'm being pretty good, not going too overboard. Well? I lost 2 lbs over the course of the week. Gained 2.3 lbs right back over the weekend. EPIC. FAIL.

Isn't it weird how even that little number can make you feel SO much worse? I found myself looking in the mirror and thinking about how fat I looked - like it was that much different from any other day. I've decided I'm going to incorporate more exercise this week. Even if it ends up just being 30 minutes walking around with my dog. But I'm hoping to make it to the gym at least 3 times for an hour at a time.

When I was actually doing well at one point (and lost 15 lbs that I put right back on) I found that mixing up portions of elliptical and the bike worked best for me. In other words, I'd spend 15 minutes on the elliptical and 45 on the bike one day, then 30 minutes each on another, then 40 and 20, etc., etc.

I want to lose 40 lbs before September - when I'll be buying new clothes for the fall semester at school. And at the moment, I refuse to cut and dye my hair (which I desperately want to do) until I lose 10 lbs. It sounds silly, but when it comes to my hair, it's one of the best motivations I have.

Water Girl.

I read everywhere that one of the best things to do when you're trying to lose weight is to consume more water. Well, technically, it's a good thing to do regardless, but you know.

So my goal for today is to actually consume 64 oz of water. Technically I need way more than that (about twice that, actually), but it's a start and certainly way more water than I'd ever normally drink. So far, it's almost 10 AM and I've consumed 16 oz. Another 16 oz with my mid-morning snack. Another 16 with lunch. Another 16 with my mid-afternoon snack.

Trying to get off soda is tough. Especially when it's fresca. I love fresca.

College for Fatties

My college, which will remain nameless, has over 50 vending machines on its campus (that I could guess-timate, of course) and a food cart for sandwiches, etc. in every building-- that's not to mention the cafe, the place to get salads (that are drenched in dressing), and the grill. Oh, and did I mention that there is a Taco Bell, Wendy's, and McDonald's all well within a mile?

Ridiculous. It's like we walk around from class to class, and you start feeling that familiar growling in your stomach, and you figure "Oh, I'll grab something from the vending machine." There's 200 calories. Then you meet up with a friend at the cafe to study and you end up getting a smoothie... that's about 600+ calories and you'd never know it. They're delicious, but evil. Then you go to a few more classes, and decide to grab lunch before work. Go to the grill? Another 600 - 700 calories. Feel like a salad? 300 calories. All of a sudden you've eaten half a day's worth of calories and you feel like you've barely eaten anything at all. That smoothie's a killer.

I also work with kids at an after-school tutoring program, and they get snacks. Well, have you ever tried to be surrounded by 7, 8, and 9 year olds chowing down on rice krispie treats with milk without wanting to grab one (or two) yourself? I've even tried bringing my own snacks and, trust me, it's difficult. No adult snack ever seems as good as a kid snack. And you never just want one kid snack either.

So today I have classes, and therefore I sectioned out my snacks and lunch and entered it all in at SparkPeople ahead of time. It gives me a good idea of what I'm already going to consume, so if I do want to grab something extra, I can easily figure out whether it's worth it or not. Apparently, by 6 0 clock tonight, I'll have consumed 913 calories which is pretty awesome because then I have plenty of calories left over for dinner and a snack before I do homework.

I'm also pretty excited because I had a stroke of genius for lunch. I made english muffin pizzas with a salad and some Kraft Free Caesar Italian Dressing (all together - 286 calories). Of course, having PCOS, I really can't have anything white or overprocessed (white bread, sugar, etc.). So my "recipe" started with some honey wheat multi-grain english muffins, used 1/2 tsp of Prego Heartsmart Red Pepper & Roasted Garlic sauce for each side, and I didn't have any mozarella so I used 1/4 cup of finely shredded sharp cheddar cheese. I didn't have any veggies in the fridge, but next time I might put some chopped mushroom and red pepper or maybe some spinach on top. All I'm saying is that it's delightful. English muffin pizzas were the highlight of my childhood. So this is bound to be pretty satisfying, and lo and behold, low-calorie.

Also, I must say, if you're a cracker and cheese person (I am), I suggest you look into Kellog's All-Bran Multi-Grain Crackers. They are beyond delicious and a serving size is 18 of them! That with an ounce of some good cheese is a really beyond awesome snack. YUM.

The Start.

Do you know how many times I've begun a weight loss journey only to end up throwing it all away less than a month later? It's true - I'm starting this not even knowing if I'll keep up with it. I'm starting it with all the momentum in the world, yes, but there's no guarantees here. However, I am combining a lot of things that I have picked up along the way on my "previous journeys" in order to give myself the best shot at really doing this, and doing it right.

I came across this thing on Prevention and My Virtual Model where you can create a model of yourself, and you can compare your current weight with your goal weight and how the system proposes you will look. So, according to this, here is me now:


5'5" and 252 lbs. You might wonder why I don't have a real picture up here. Don't worry, I'll get on that. I am the heaviest I've ever been. I know it didn't happen overnight, but it feels like it did. I've never been thin, but I feel like I looked in the mirror one day, and suddenly there was a bit of a double-chin. Not always, mind you. But at times, I notice it and I wonder where it came from. Or the fact that the size 16 jeans I wore throughout high school gave way to size 18, and sometimes 20. I found myself thinking - where the hell did this all come from? I don't have a unique answer for that question (I mean, a lot of food, lack of exercise, it's all pretty obvious), however, I do have a little added problem that makes it all the more infuriating to me that I've allowed everything to spin out of control like this:

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It definitely plays a role in my weight, especially the extra fat I suddenly find myself carrying around my middle that was never there before.

So now I have a goal of losing 100 lbs eventually. If I even lose 50 lbs, I'll be happy. Hell, I'd like to lose 20 lbs right now-- but 100 is my ultimate goal, and who knows from there? I'd like to be curvy, healthy, but not fat.

I found another website that is just awesome for anyone trying to lose weight, or even just acheive or maintain a healthy lifestyle: SparkPeople. It's 100% free and you can register, pick a goal (weight loss/gain or just healthy lifestyle), and it helps you track nutrition, calories (consumed and burned), measurements, goals, and there are thousands of different groups and message boards to join in on. You can also set up your own little "sparkpage" and track your acheivments there. There's also a huge database of different recipes and you have the option of letting them design a mealplan and excersize regimen for you, or just kind of doing it yourself by trial and error. Did I mention it's free? Yup. FREE. I'm on there as LESSTOLOVE12. Check it out. We can be friends. And you can spy on how many calories I've eaten today. Feel free to scold when I go overboard!

So far? It's 3:23 PM and I've consumed 580 calories. I'm about to go make myself a lunch and do some laundry. My literary studies paper can wait!