The stupidity doesn't end.

I'm a smart girl, but sometimes I let a lot of things get in the way and you'd almost never be able to tell. For example - here I am bitching and worrying about how I just can't seem to make it to the gym and somehow walking the dogs never seems to do very much and I honestly hate getting dressed to go out and sweat (Okay, so I get you're not supposed to look good - but what happens if I come across a really cute guy and here I am, not only fat, but sweating like a pig and out of breath? NO THANK YOU). Well, I ventured over to sparkpeople and was exploring (they should really pay me for how much I mention them) and found something miraculous: ONLINE WORK OUT VIDEOS. Helllllloooooo?! Why didn't I think of this before? And they're all in relatively short spurts (between 5 - 20 minutes) so I can spread 'em out throughout the day if I need to, and I can create my own combination. They focus on all the areas using different techniques and it's just great and completely my lifesaver.

The Oregon Trail.

I fell off the wagon. Way off.

Usually, I would just chalk it up to something - I "can't" be skinny or whatever - but this time, I won't. Some friends of mine posted pictures of me on facebook from a party over the weekend. I've always considered myself pretty, and I still thought a lot of those pictures looked just fine, but I felt sad suddenly. I've held myself back. I could be so much more than pretty. I could be beautiful and healthy and confident, and I let my own laziness get in the way.

So I'm just picking it back up again. And I'll keep doing it till it sticks.

Naked is the way to go

So I weighed myself this morning after avoiding the scale for a few days out of complete dread and shame. I went from 252 up to 255.6 and it kind of fluctuated up and down but never back to 252 or lower. Finally, today, I got naked, got on the scale, and saw 250.8. Got off, got back on to double check (sometimes a weird weight distribution will mess up the numbers) and sure enough, 250.8. It's small, but it's there. It's appreciated for sure.

First wave of disappointment

Ask me how much weight I lost. Go ahead.





















NONE. In fact, I've gained a pound. What the hell? Ugh. I suppose I should just keep at it. Eventually, things have to give, right? But if I don't even lose half a pound by next week, I'm calling my doctor.

Night Owl - Fat Owl.

I'm a night owl. Always have been. Besides a brief stint where I had mono real bad - I was fine with just a few hours per night. The best TV is on at night. You usually have the best conversations at night. The problem with this is that I end up eating at night.

Oh and I don't just eat some carrot sticks either. I'll eat leftovers followed by a dessert. Like suddenly there really is a fourth meal to the day. Like Taco Bell's not just making that up as a marketing tool.

I know that's where I eat the most calories. It's like nighttime completely shrouds what I'm eating. Calories unseen are calories that never existed.

Except they do exist. ON MY BODY.

So tonight is like night one of refusing to eat. According to SparkPeople, I'm up to 1,412 (with 168 left over till my maximum) calories for the day, 190 g of carbohydrates (67 left over), 39 g of fat (22 left over), and 75 g of protein (63 left over). I think I did damn good today... now it's just about now ruining it by scarfing rice krispies down all night.

Two steps forward...

One step back? Easter was great, but it kind of screwed me. Correction: I screwed me. A weekend of eating the best Portuguese food - and here, I'm thinking I'm being pretty good, not going too overboard. Well? I lost 2 lbs over the course of the week. Gained 2.3 lbs right back over the weekend. EPIC. FAIL.

Isn't it weird how even that little number can make you feel SO much worse? I found myself looking in the mirror and thinking about how fat I looked - like it was that much different from any other day. I've decided I'm going to incorporate more exercise this week. Even if it ends up just being 30 minutes walking around with my dog. But I'm hoping to make it to the gym at least 3 times for an hour at a time.

When I was actually doing well at one point (and lost 15 lbs that I put right back on) I found that mixing up portions of elliptical and the bike worked best for me. In other words, I'd spend 15 minutes on the elliptical and 45 on the bike one day, then 30 minutes each on another, then 40 and 20, etc., etc.

I want to lose 40 lbs before September - when I'll be buying new clothes for the fall semester at school. And at the moment, I refuse to cut and dye my hair (which I desperately want to do) until I lose 10 lbs. It sounds silly, but when it comes to my hair, it's one of the best motivations I have.

Water Girl.

I read everywhere that one of the best things to do when you're trying to lose weight is to consume more water. Well, technically, it's a good thing to do regardless, but you know.

So my goal for today is to actually consume 64 oz of water. Technically I need way more than that (about twice that, actually), but it's a start and certainly way more water than I'd ever normally drink. So far, it's almost 10 AM and I've consumed 16 oz. Another 16 oz with my mid-morning snack. Another 16 with lunch. Another 16 with my mid-afternoon snack.

Trying to get off soda is tough. Especially when it's fresca. I love fresca.